I.D. Wanted

Amnesia Jones

A.J. was listening to NPR when the limo driver careened off the highway, trying to avoid the mob of zombies staggering his way. When A.J. woke up in Mercy Hospital, there was no recollection of a previous history, such as name, address, family, or even what sex he/she was. The only link to the past was an NPR button. A.J. would like Cagney and Lacey to come out of retirement and solve this puzzle. 

Likes: hospital pudding. 

Dislikes: hospital meatloaf.

Do you know me?

Have banjo, will play

Banjo Bob

Bob used to be a measuring tape salesman, but his dream has always been to pick his banjo on stage. His fantasy was realized when he met Roy Clark, closet zombie, backstage at the Ryman. Banjo Bob now is lined up to be Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers’ opening act in Branson. 

Likes: riding on the tour bus with a banjo on his knee. 

Dislikes: “Classical Banjo.” Who are they trying to kid?

Pickin’ and grinnin’

Boo!

and I'm getting sick of dust bunnies
Clean this place up, you $%#@!&* slob!

We're OUT

Bridezilla Diva Jane

Diva Jane, otherwise known as Hannah, was zombi-fied on a recent excursion to Las Vegas. The exotic male dancers dressed as New Orleans Saints football players turned out to be zombie chickens in disguise. Boy, does she have a surprise in store for her new groom on their wedding night. 

Likes: water skiing and hot guys with stubble beards. Dislikes: police drug raids at bachelorette parties and people with the inability to accessorize.

Aaron the Well-Groomed

Aaron was typical average dude with an international finance degree, planning a wedding to the love of his life. Everything was fine until the honeymoon, when he was zombi-fied by his new bride. But he is so goofy for her that he was happy to drink the kool-aid. Soon there will be baby zombie chicklits hopping around. 

Likes: big brown dogs and blowing up neighborhoods with fireworks. Dislikes: when little kids peek under his loincloth.

Punk Rocks!!!!!

Blitzkrieg Johnny

Johnny is into punk rock, Reaganomics and kosher salami. He is often intense. In order to relax, sometimes his psychotherapist encourages him to go commando. Johnny was rockin’ away on the beach when Phil Spector snuck up from behind and zombi-fied him. In the process, his Mosrite guitar was turned into something made in China. “If I ever get ahold of that pansy-ass Phil Spector, I’ll replace his wig with a cement block! Hey ho, let’s go to the ocean, Phil!” 

Likes: the Yankees, George Dubya, cream puffs. 

Dislikes: having to grow up, opera, f#@!*ng liberals.

Hey! Ho! Let’s Go!

Bios Wanted

These bums just showed up. 
No names, no stories. They are claiming amnesia.


So it's up to you to give them a story. If I like it, I’ll keep it. If not, I might get around to writing them a bio. Someday. Come on, this is your chance for glory. Write something!!!!!

Hen in the House

Maimee Henhouse

Maimee is a cabaret singer. One night at the Tokacannabis Lounge, 

a herd of crazed zombie chickens showed up. They ordered her to 

hand over the cannabis and she said, “No, No, No.” So now she’s 

zombi-fied – but still rockin’.

Likes: hairspray and boys who bring their own weed. 

Dislikes: Madame Tassaud’s Wax Museum and Kanye West. We’re all 

with ya on the Kanye West dislike, Maimee.

Hi. I'm Maimee Henhouse. Shut the *&!#@% up.