Monday, August 29, 2011

I've Moved


     Hi. I'm Jack 'n the Dots.














Please make a note of my new address:


Todd & Katie's place
Baby Jack's nursery
Between All Saints and Mt. Vernon Prez
Wichita, America



Friday, August 19, 2011

What would Mozart like?

One of my favorite fantasies is that Mozart is riding in the car with me, and he is AMAZED and speechless over the radio. “Ach meine lieben! Vos eez dees ting? How dos it verk? Mein Gott im Himmel! Vot eez dat crapola?!!” (I just turned it to a rap station.)


We cruise around town, punching various pre-set stations, then scanning for others. I’ve often wondered what he would think about the common song format we have - verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus chorus faaaaaaaaaaaaade. Would Wolfie say it was too pat and predictable, or would he just enjoy it for what it is?


He can’t stop messing with the radio. He’s adjusting the bass, treble, volume. He’s starting to get on my nerves.


I put k.d. lang’s “Ingenue” cd in to calm him down a bit. Then we stop for lunch at Tanya’s. After a tasty Cindy the Boy and bread pudding, we waddle back to the car.


I pop in “Poses” by Rufus Wainwright and yell “Come on and rock me Amadeus!” He gives me a disgusted look and tells me to shut up cause he can't hear the words to Cigarettes & Chocolate Milk.


Join us next week as Wolfgang and I cruise to the soundtrack from “Everything is Illuminated.” I’m gonna blow his ever-lovin’ 18th-century mind.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

More Zombie Chickens on Vacation

Hobo Herman gets a job in Naples to pay off his wine tab.
RosyRed gets high with the help of St. Paul.
SonnyBoy tries his hand at sheep-herding in Tuscany.


Chik-Lit hangin’ with some other chicks. It’s a limoncello sort of afternoon.






Zombies on Vacation

Dottie: “WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REST OF HIM!??  ZOMBIES???”

La La Rosita visits the Uffizi Gallery.
OOOOOOHHH! Titillating!
I'm Tiny Dancer. Let me sing to you.

“I’m in the mood for love ...”











Dot Com...munity


Jack ’n the Dots

Jackson Pullet is a former abstract expressionist painter. He was zombi-fied by a spotted owl and now he can only see spots before his eyes. Jack’s family lives in Stripetown but he is moving them into the new neighborhood of Yokum Circle. 

Likes: Dippin’ Dots and building mobiles of the solar system. 

Dislikes: stick candy and the smell of magic markers.


Thursday, August 11, 2011

Goin' to Sarasota


Sweet P

This little cutie was minding his own beeswax when the Jolly Green Giant stomped thru the chicken coop and zombi-fied every living thing in sight. His little peach fuzz feathers were singed, but it’s OK ’cause Sweet P always wanted to be a brunette. 

Likes: Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Styling Gel. 
Dislikes: rainy days and Mondays.


Friday, August 5, 2011

Spiky Spike


Spike

Spike is the weird zombie chick on the playground. He has no wings and pink fuzzy balls for legs, for cryin’ out loud. But he has the bluebird of happiness as a best friend, so he’s content.  

Likes: doing the limbo, stargazing and Short Sexy Hair Hard Up Holding Gel. 

Dislikes: getting bounced off the teeter-totter.


Hi. I’m Spike. I have green rubber hair.






Brains, not Worms


Dr. H. Dufus

Homer Dufus was just starting what promised to be a successful drive-thru brain surgery/bait shop. One of his patients was a zombie who became enraged when Dr. Dufus suggested that instead of eating brains, zombies should use them as fish bait. Dr. Dufus was zombi-fied, hung up his scalpel and now makes crocheted food items. 

Likes: pizza, lions and green-eyed ladies. 

Dislikes: closed-minded zombies.

Girls love my eyes.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Bad Eggs



Surly, evil, insane, slightly cracked.




















Zombie in a Bikini. Alert the Lifeguards.


Bikini Anjilini

Anjilini spends most of her days in spandex. It’s not the most conventional workplace attire, but when you work as a contortionist trainer, you need all the help you can get in making sure they show up for class. 








Likes: angels, boys in hockey uniforms, doctors who fix contortionists. 

Dislikes: spiders, empty pretzel barrels and improper eccentric contractions of the humeroulnar joint.

Look, I Have a Chipmunk Earring


SonnyBoy

SonnyBoy was happily minding his own business on a trail ride in Durango when a crazed herd of zombie ponies mowed over him and his pinto, “Little Joe.” His coworkers at the dot factory make fun of the constant fear in his eyes by yelling “HEY DUDE LOOKOUT!” every few hours. 

Likes: quiet evenings at home with Little Joe, watching reruns of “Alvin & The Chipmunks” and “Mister Ed.” 

Dislikes: Nancy Grace.

I wanna be a cowboy. And you can be my cowgirl.

I Am the Dancing Queen


Deeva Rybbekkah

Carrying on her family’s dancing chicken tradition, Rybbekka migrated to Kansas from the tiny village of Dyrrbee in the far-away republic of Keltic Sultanate. She is available for bellygrams and private parties. 

Likes: foot massages, pretzels and soccer. 
Dislikes: tattoo parlors in basement barber shops and paying full price for gardening supplies.


SUCKAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!


Yellabelly

Yella is related to some yella-bellied sapsuckers, but he's mostly just a sucker. He recently purchased zombie insurance. From a zombie. After he got zombi-fied. Yeah, I know. 

Likes: watching his favorite soap opera, “The EggFooYoung and the Rested.” 
Dislikes: things like buying drumsticks from the ice cream truck and discovering there’s nothing musical about them.



Which Came First: Chicken Little or Little Chicken?


Chik-lit

Chik-lit is the youngest zombie chicken documented. She was chillin’ with her homefries at the roller derby match when some ugly thug roosters stormed in and infected all present with zombie cooties. In the mass confusion, someone started a food fight and Chik-lit now proudly bears stuck-on fried eggs and pineapple as a testament to her survival.

Likes: bubble baths, bathrobes and ukulele music.
Dislikes: homework.

Sometimes I'm shy and wear a robe.

1st Winged Wonder of the World

Doris Wingert

Doris is quite proud of her beautiful wings, which have been compared to those of angels. She tried being a waitress at the Wakky Chikkin Shak, but kept dropping the plates, which resulted in less than angelic exclamations. So now she works next to the escalator at the mall, pointing shoppers to the Chick-fil-A upstairs. 

Likes: posting photos of herself on Facebook. 
Dislikes: jokes about chickens crossing roads.

There's a yaller chick in Texas, that I am going to seeeeeeee


Yellow Rose of Derby

Formerly an auditor with the IRS, Yellow Rose was zombi-fied by an indignant roller derby girl when she suggested the skater’s tax returns were incorrect. Yellow Rose now spends her days doing laundry for the entire roller derby team and collecting cat jewelry. 
Likes: singing show tunes and Cheer detergent. 
Dislikes: chicken-crossing-the-road jokes and trying to remove blood stains from uniforms.

Remember When?




Flashback

A wild child of the 70's, Flashback is an experienced traveler. He's been on lots of trips. He was recently fired from his job at a lab for conducting his own experiments. Wow, man, like those dudes just don't understand his creative genius, ya dig?
Likes: kaleidoscopes and rollin' doobies. 
Dislikes: livin' in a van down by the river.

Ole Molay


La La Rosita

Rosita is the hostess at La Cucaracha Cafe and Strip Joint. She is taking dance lessons and plans to be Derek Hough's partner next season on "Dancing with the Stars," and can't wait to tell her boss "Take this cucaracha and shove it." 
Likes: rich roosters. 
Dislikes: police raids.