Nuthin’ squawks like a zombie chicken

Dear Jon Greene

Formerly a tractor mechanic for Allis Chalmers, Mr. Greene was zombi-fied by a certain Mr. S. Gorges, who has made it his mission to wipe out every tractor company on earth other than John Deere. Mr. Greene now does free marketing and PR for his favorite new tractor manufacturer. 

Likes: Nashville’s Aquinas College croquet team; watching a gentle spring rain. 

Dislikes: red tractors; crab cakes and crabby people.

Hi. I’m Jon Greene.

Hallelujah! Zombie Chickens are Back!

Sistah Priscilla

The Sistah formerly known as Prissy was one of Foghorn Leghorn’s flock of chicks. She was in charge of his corn whiskey supply until one night when she was zombi-fied by a weasel. Most productive zombi-fication ever, by the way. Sistah Priscilla was born again and now she spends her days singin’ the Lord’s praise. 

Likes: every living creature on earth, especially worms. 

Dislikes: Foghorn’s breath. 

The Greatest Show on Earth

Clarence Clownsworth III

Clarence comes from a long line of circus clown chickens. One night, in the middle of his fuzzyball juggling act, a crazed human cannonball zombie soared into the ring and scared Clarence so bad that he froze in mid-juggle. His fuzzyballs are now stuck to him, but didn’t they land in a lovely pattern? 

Likes: hiding the ringmaster’s hat, fresh roasted peanuts, sneaking into the fat lady’s tent (she always has the best candy!). 

Dislikes: the flea circus, candy hangovers.

Hi. I’m Clarence. I like to juggle balls.

Leggy Lucinda

She’s got legs, and she knows how to use them. I’m just sayin’. 

Likes: Helping short people reach stuff at the store, whistles from roosters. 

Dislikes: the limbo, the back seat of a car, being called Amazon chicken.

Family Time with the Zoinks

Big Daddy Zoink

Big Daddy used to be principal at the Reform School for Deliquent Hens. (That’s where he met Mrs. Zoink.) Being zombi-fied by a student has mellowed him out considerably, but he does wish he could eat something besides brains every night for dinner. 

Likes: Tidy rooms, punctuality, crisp apple strudel. Dislikes: School board meetings, dull pencils, chicken-fried brains.

Hot Mama Zoink

Hot Mama Jones was caught throwing eggs at a raccoon stuck in the mud. She was sent to the Reform School for Delinquent Hens, where principal Big Daddy Zoink discovered that when she was very bad, she was actually very good (for him). So he plucked her out of the flock and married her, and she keeps his ego happy and his tummy full of brains.

Likes: Project Runway, taking her baby LambChop to the park, making jewelry. Dislikes: runs in her hose, jealous looks from other hens.

Baby LambChop Zoink

LambChop is the love chick of Big Daddy Zoink and Hot Mama Jones-Zoink. She wuvs her parents, but longs for the day when she is old enough to spread her wings and zombi-fy someone. 

Likes: Brain nuggets, ice cream, watching “Zombieland.” Dislikes: Hearing stories about the “old days” before her parents were zombies. How boring!

Call 1-800-Zombie

Henrí

Formerly named Henry, this cute little chick has a flair with floral arranging. Sometimes being zombi-fied brings out the artist in you. 

Likes: Tropical bromeliads, birds of paradise, Hawaiian weddings. 

Dislikes: Marigolds, bugs, plastic flower bouquets.

Hi. I’m Henrí. Let me do your wedding flowers.

Dancing Queen

Miss Priss

Prissy was the inspiration for Abba’s song, “Dancing Queen.” She’s not so young and sweet anymore, especially since being zombi-fied by KC’s Sunshine Band. “I’m Your Boogie Man” takes on a whole new meaning now. 

Likes: Margaritas, eating centipedes, getting down and shaking her booty. 

Dislikes: Last call, arthritis.

Hi. I’m Miss Priss. I’ll be your boogie babe.