Happy Birthday, k.d. lang!

I made a zombie chicken for k.d. lang's 50th birthday, coming up Nov. 2. I am taking it to her concert in Dallas this week and plan to get it to her ... somehow.


Words in bold text are song titles from several of her albums.


Pine and Stew

This is the story of how Pine and Stew were zombi-fied.

Pine and Stew had been pulling back the reins on their love life because, for some time, Pine had been led down a trail of broken hearts, and Stew had followed reluctantly, griping all the way. “I don’t want to be a lemming, but you keep dragging me along on a diet of strange places. While you’re busy being blue, I’m stuck, constantly craving my last cigarette, which you won’t let me smoke because you’re trying to hook up with some big-boned gal. I say it’s high time for a detour, so I’m taking the bull by the horns and turning you around, washing you clean and making you drink black coffee until you’ve tuned into my wave.”

When Pine had stopped crying and they both had luck in their eyes again, he and Stew went to a polka party, hoping to hit paydirt with Bopalena and Polly Ann. “Hellooooo, sweet little Cherokees, how about a little hanky panky?”

“Oh, I mustn’t ... I have a boyfriend,” purred Polly Ann. “You don’t want to see Johnny get angry.” Bopalena shrugged off her friend’s hesitation. “Come on, Polly — Johnny is out ridin’ the rails and won’t be back for three days. I think these curious souls want to be led astray.”

And so Pine and Stew waltzed around the dance floor with Bopalena and Polly Ann. Pine whispered to Polly, “I’m so in love!” Polly Ann winked, signaling Bopalena. And that’s when Pine and Stew discovered that their Honky Tonk Angels were really Honky Tonk Zombies.

“Save me!” Pine yelped. “I TOLD you to watch your step during that last polka!” Stew snapped. Bopalena laughed and mocked them. “Tears don’t CARE who cries them!” Then she and Polly Ann promenaded out the door, leaving Pine and Stew with nowhere to stand, once again on that trail of broken hearts.

Under the western stars, Pine and Stew looked at each other, and suddenly knew what they had to do. “Sing it loud, my friend, sing it loud! We’re zombie chickens!”

Hi, I'm Pine. 

And I'm Stew.